john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize