Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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