Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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