Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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