after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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