I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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