I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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