Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
