New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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