D3 body, D1 cock
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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