No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
