At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
