I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
