Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
