I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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