I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
