I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
