Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
