i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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