Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
