I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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