I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
