Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Randomize
