Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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