Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Randomize
