The brown eye won't let me do that either.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
