i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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