he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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