your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
