sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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