I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize