Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize