you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
