I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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