ya dads aren't the best wingmen
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
