i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
