I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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