I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
