I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
