she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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