I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
