your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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