He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just pee around me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize