I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
