I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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