btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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