I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize