Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
