Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize