I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
