i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
