He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
