dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
