he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
