If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
