My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
