I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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