I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
