Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
fuck your aforementioned shoe
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
