Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
