umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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