K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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