HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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