She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
